How would you feel if you are in control of the outcome in any situation? Self-Management is the secret sauce you must know and practice!
You heard it right. There is a tried and tested Self-Management strategy that I use in my personal life, and have seen relationships recover from the most vulnerable phase, businesses turn around their growth, teams win in the worst possible scenario, people come out of the biggest shitholes in life.
Do you want to know what that elixir to solving all your problems is? Well, read on.
It’s not going to come that easy! You need to work with me on an experiment first. 😊
I know some of you may be skeptical till you see the result of the Self-Management technique I am referring to, so my ask of you is to leave your skeptic-self out of the door for the next few minutes (at least) if you want to see and feel the magic.
Agreed? Then, Let’s get started!
Think of a problem in your life right now or an area of your life where you are not getting the desired results.
Now take a piece of paper, and pen down your candid answers to the questions below.
👉 What’s wrong?
👉 Why do I have this problem?
👉 How long have I been facing this problem?
👉 What does this problem stop me from doing what I want to do?
👉 Whose fault is it that I have this problem?
👉 When was the last time I experienced this problem?
Now take a Deep Breath & Reflect on how answering these questions was like. What emotion are you experiencing right now?
Well, if I am right, you don’t feel great about your current state right now. Also, lot of overpowering emotions have suddenly come in and clouding your brain. 😣
Don’t worry! Sip a glass of water, calm down, and we will solve for this in just a few minutes. 😇
You’re not wrong if you experienced these emotions. You just haven’t found the right way to Self-Management (which is what you will find out very soon!)
Well, as I mentioned earlier, there is a way out which is what we will discover together for you.
Now to shift from the BLAME FRAME we need to pivot the approach and change the questions we ask ourselves. As, someone rightly said, “Great results begin with great questions.”
It will not be surprising if you found these questions a little familiar. This is the most common way in which people frame their problem situations for themselves. This is what the Blame Frame represents in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).
These blame frame questions are problem-oriented and lead to experiences of limitation and lack of choice. You seek explanations of why you are in the current situation, why you don’t have what you want, which also makes you give excuses and justifications. The more you think about the problem, the deeper you get into it.
It’s time now to move to Phase 2 of our experiment. Use the same problem context which you were thinking about and try responding to the below questions.
💡 What do I want?
💡 When do I want it?
💡 How will I get to know I have it?
💡 When I get what I want, how else will my Life Improve?
💡 How can I best utilize the resources I have?
💡 What other resources can help me?
💡 What is the first step I can take towards achieving what I want?
We’re done. Now take a deep breathe again and reflect on what answering these questions was like.
Compare the emotional state you are in versus how you felt while responding to the first set of questions.
You would be feeling renewed energy, sense of control and a state of positive emotion towards action you can take to achieve your goal. Well, there you have it — this is the formula I was talking about. It’s called moving to an Outcome Frame in Self-Management Approach.
“Answers are closed rooms; and questions are open doors that invite us in.”Nancy Willard
When you are in the Blame Frame, you tend to drive more emphasis on what’s wrong (and it makes you feel powerless and incomplete) and the more you think about it, the more excuses you come up with and the problem becomes environmental which you have no control over.
In fact, the moment you shift to the Outcome Frame (Solution Oriented or Growth Mindset), you starting thinking about the future and resources, and you get a renewed sense of hope and enthusiasm. Responding to this apparently insurmountable problem is now in the realm of your choice and control. And, you are ready to take the first action of getting closer to the outcome you desire with this Self-Management strategy.
To sum up, Remember to not Judge the situation or people, because the more you do it the more of a fixed mindset you will invite. The moment you change your questions from Judger Questions to Learner Questions (which is what we did in our experiment), you will set yourself up to solve the biggest problems of your life and achieve the goals you desire.
“Learner/Judger Questions We all ask both kinds of questions, and we have the power to choose which ones to ask in any moment.”Marilee Adams
Go ahead, take that action, win over your problem, and change your Life! It’s a choice in your hands now. 💪
Self-management is a critical workplace skill. Refer the FAQ below to learn what it is, and how to improve your own self-management skills.
What is Self-Management?
Self-management refers to our ability to manage and control our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions in a productive manner. Self-management means you have high self-awareness of your personal responsibility in different aspects of your life, and you effective fulfill your responsibilities.
What are the key Self-Management Skills?
Here are the 7 Key Skills for Effective Self-Management:
- Thought Clarity
- Effective Prioritization
- Ability to Regulate Emotions
What are the key benefits of Self-Management?
- Improved Mental and Physical Health
- Better Productivity
- More time for yourself
- Improved Relationships
About the Author: Anurag Jain is an Executive and Leadership Coach with 15+ Years International Business Leadership Experience managing diverse set of teams, across the Consumer and Tech Industry. Anurag Loves to write about Business, Leadership, Digital Marketing, Self-Improvement, Personal Development. You can subscribe to his blog here or follow him on Medium, for interesting updates related to these areas.
Source: The framework of Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) was developed in the 1970s at the University of California, Santa Cruz. Its primary founders are John Grinder, a linguist, and Richard Bandler, an information scientist and mathematician.
Do let me know if this article about Self-Management made a difference in your life and what positive shift did you experience.
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